It Said, "Easy"

Emma talked me into looking for new recipes at Weight Watchers.com.  I find a recipe for "herb-crusted roast and vegetables" that was rated "easy."  I'd like you to know, they lie.

After chopping up 2.5 lbs of red potatoes, 2 lbs of zucchini, 2 onions and throwing in a bag of baby carrots, I was ready for the hard part.  (Do you have any idea how much food that is?  5+ lbs of veggies?  Let me say that I don't own a bowl big enough to hold it all.)

So, then the recipe says that I need 1 cup of parsley.  So I pull the parsley out of the fridge and begin chopping.  I chop and chop. With a knife.  Only after I'm done chopping do I realize that the recipe actually says, "parsley leaves".  I look at the stems in the bowl.  I pull a couple out.  Who cares, right?

Let me take a small detour here to say that I own a food processor. I've owned one for years.  But I have never, ever, ever, EVER used it.  I don't begin to know how.  Wendell has used it periodically to make fresh salsa, but I haven't.  And I don't know how to use it.  I don't even know what pieces I need and I've only got 45 minutes until I have to leave to pick up my kids from piano.  So I'm chopping with a knife instead.

Next, it says to add a 1/4 cup of chives, roughly chopped.  That is easy for me.  I'm good at roughly chopping, though Annika started asking why I was throwing grass in the bowl.  Then I'm to add 1 Tbs of rosemary.  As I measure out 1T of dry rosemary, I realize that the recipe might mean fresh rosemary, but I don't have any and I don't care.

Next it says to mince these together.  Then I realize that by mince it doesn't mean "mix".  I make a frantic phone call to Wendell.

"My Magic Bullet is supposed to do that!" Wendell tells me.  We look up how to do it on an on-line user manual since neither of us knows where the actual user manual is.  "Use the cross-blade and pulse," it says.

I begin to look for the cross-blade.

"It's in the second drawer down," Wendell says. I can't find it.

"Try in the corner cupboard."  I can't find it there, either.  I say so.

"It's there," Wendell asserts.

Doesn't really matter what he thinks, I think to myself.  He's there at work and I'm the one here looking for it and I can't find it!

I look in the thingamajigit drawer.   Nothing.  Second drawer down, silverware draw, corner cupboard.  It's nowhere.

I hang up with Wendell and grab the regular blade.  I shove the herbs in the "small cup" as directed.  I pulse as directed.  It does jack.  I get a larger cup.  I pulse and shake and pulse and shake and it kinda seems to be working.  After a while, I declare it good enough.

Next I am to add 2 cloves of garlic.  But I only have garlic powder.  I throw in 1tsp.  I think about adding another, cuz surely one clove of garlic = one teaspoon of garlic powder, right?  I rush to my computer to double check.  eHow seems to have a conversion.

One clove = 1/8 of a teaspoon of powder.  1/8.  I now have four time the amount of garlic...  Good thing I like garlic, right?

Add Dijon mustard, salt and pepper.  Mix.  Rub onto roast.  I rub.  Time is ticking down.  I have 3 minutes until I have to leave to pick up my kids.  I add the olive oil to the rest of the herbs, I mix.  I hear the garage.  Wendell is home.  I am supposed to leave in 1 minute.

I have the veggies divided out between two bowls since I don't have a bowl large enough to hold all the veggies. I blop part of the herb mixture in one bowl and the rest in the other.  I look at the spoon.  I toss it in the sink and start mixing with my hands.

Wendell takes off to pick up the kids.  I put a few veggies around the roast in a casserole dish.  The recipe said to use a roasting pan, but I don't own one.  It also directs to only have one layer of veggies. I can fit 13 veggies around the roast.  I stuff 7 more in.  I pull a cookie sheet out of the sink, wash it, pam it and pour all the rest of the veggies on.  It's not exactly one layer but it's close.

I turn the temp down to 350 degrees and set the timer to 1 hour 15 minutes.  It's already 5:30.  We won't be having dinner until at least 7:00.

I'm wasted.  But I sure hope it tastes good.